Zero Not Out is a coming-of-age novel that follows the transformative journey of Varun Krishna, an ambitious young man born into a modest middle-class family.
He worked hard to realize his dream of getting into one of the top IITs. During his four years of college, he would go on to make friends and mentors for life. Destiny also introduced him to Nitya Iyer, his first love, during his initial year at college. However, the cruel twists of fate intervened, leading to a heart-wrenching separation between Varun and Nitya upon their college graduation. Grief, loss, and the haunting echoes of lost love became his companions, threatening to consume him entirely.
Through sheer resilience, guided by his father's unwavering determination, Varun eventually emerges from the depths of his despair, his spirit rekindled by a newfound purpose. Driven by the haunting memory of his own struggles, he embarks on a mission to curb suicides, building a startup that aims to provide hope and support to those in their darkest moments.
The novel, riding on waves of emotion and introspection, underscores the importance of family bonds, the redemptive power of human connections, and the indomitable spirit that can rise from the ashes of despair.
As the train finally set in motion, the ticket collector performed his duties, and vendors delivered food orders in the compartment. After dinner and conversations, with a gentle pull, the curtains were drawn, shutting out the world beyond and creating an intimate space just for the two of them.
As the night sky spread its blanket of darkness outside, a sense of peacefulness settled over them. The silence that followed was not empty, but rather pregnant with unspoken emotions. Words escaped them, and they could hear each other's heavy breaths. They sat side by side, feeling the warmth of companionship that radiated between them.
Breaking the silence, Nitya took the lead and hugged Varun tightly. Their hearts raced, and self-control slipped away. Cupping her face in his hands, Varun gently moved a stray lock of hair that obstructed his view of her beautiful face. His fingers lingered for a moment, caressing her cheeks. It was a gesture that held a promise, a silent commitment to always be there to clear away any obstacles that might come between them.
Their eyes locked, conveying their desire to intertwine their beings. The air was charged with an energy that pulsed between them, a magnetic force drawing them ever closer. Their lips were mere inches apart, and the moment begged for a kiss. Varun planted a tender kiss on her forehead, and Nitya closed her eyes, her lips slightly trembling. Their lips met for the first time—a touch that was warm, moist, and soft. It was gentle, innocent, genuine, and somewhat awkward. In that instant, the world seemed to come to a halt for them.
Moments passed, and they grew more comfortable, finding true peace in each other's presence. As Varun's kisses trailed from her face to her neck, a soft moan escaped Nitya's lips. They had yearned for this first kiss, and now they wanted to savor the moment. Each kiss carried a raw intensity, solidifying their connection and affirming that they had found their other half. With the feeling of his lips delicately grazing her delicate neck, she could sense her body started heating up.
"You're so beautiful," he whispered in her ear, with his warm breath spreading across her neck only intensifying her desire to make out with him.
"Ssh. Don't talk. Just shut up and kiss me," she whispered back. When there was dearth of words in between them because of the natural shyness, their eyes started talking, emitting a spark of passionate love and desire.
In the space of quiet, where shyness resides,
words took their leave, like outgoing tides.
Natural shyness wrapped them like a veil,
yet their eyes told stories, without a detail.
In the silent embrace of their passionate fire,
hearts ignited a spark, an intense desire.
Only in some special situations in life, eyes do the talking while lips just become a spectator. The eyes have a unique ability to convey feelings, thoughts, and connections that words might struggle to articulate.
They had been kissing each other for almost two hours by then, their passion intensifying with every moment. With the beaming smiles on their faces and the sweat droplets on their foreheads making promises to be together forever, they were thrilled by the new experiences.
With the heat of their breaths enhancing the thirst and the teasing wants to overwhelm the need for food, they realized that they did not carry anything to eat or drink. Little did they know that making out could be physically exhaustive. They were breathing fast with their hearts beating faster.
Fortunately for them, the train stopped at a station, giving them a chance to quickly grab some refreshments. Around 2 A.M., Nitya cuddled closer to Varun, whispering about how special her birthday gift was. Varun playfully responded, stating how addictive her lip gloss was.
An hour later, after chatting for a while, she dozed off in Varun's lap. He, too, fell asleep a few minutes later, leaning against the barricade. That night was filled with unforgettable memories etched in their hearts.
As the sun slowly rose after a lazy, cold winter night, the world regained its mad pace of daily activities. Varun woke up three hours later. A half-empty Coke bottle in one corner of the berth served as a reminder of their romantic moments from the previous night.
He gently moved the soft blanket covering Nitya's face aside, revealing her peaceful sleeping expression. A slight bruise on her lower lip reminded him of the passionate kisses they had shared. Her hair, disheveled like the branches of a tree that had withstood the force of a cyclone, added to her charm. After admiring her affectionately for a few minutes, he kissed her on the forehead and gently tapped her shoulder to wake her up.
On the 8th day, Varun finally received a call from her.
"Hello," Varun answered, pretending it was an unknown number.
"Hi Varun, Nitya here!" she exclaimed.
"Hey, I'm so sorry. I forgot to save your number. How are you?" Varun responded.
"I'm good. Are you free for coffee in the evening?" Nitya asked, wasting no time.
"Anything urgent?" he inquired, trying to suppress his laughter.
He knew his plan had been successful thus far.
"Nothing, really. I just thought of catching up with you," she replied.
"Okay. 6 p.m.?"
"Cool," she said before hanging up.
Interestingly, this time Nitya arrived earlier than Varun.
"Hi," Varun greeted her with a broad smile on his face.
"Hi. You still remember me?" Nitya teased, a mischievous expression on her face.
"Of course! Why would you ask that?" Varun responded, his confusion evident.
"Um, it's been 7 days since we last met. I assumed you had forgotten about me," Nitya said.
"7 days and 15 hours, to be precise," Varun corrected, understanding her feelings.
"Add 34 minutes to that!" Nitya smirked.
Hundreds of words which would not be sufficient enough to express her love for him were summarised by just those few words - ‘I was dying to see you again'.
"Too busy, huh?" Nitya asked.
"Not at all. I had some assignments to finish and cricket practice as well," Varun explained.
"Oh, okay."
"So, what's up?"
"Okay, I'll come straight to the point. I really liked the way you drew a clear line between friendship and love. I was impressed when you said you couldn't be friends with someone you love and you didn't bother me after I said no," Nitya admitted.
"Yeah, I strongly believe friendship is the starting point of love. But I also wanted to make it clear that I don't want our relationship to remain at that level," Varun confessed.
"Just being friends with you is like living in heaven and experiencing hell. I need you in my life, Nitya," he added, gently holding her right hand.
​
The sincerity in his voice and the warmth of his touch created a whirlwind of emotions within her. She looked into his eyes, searching for any signs of doubt or hesitation, but all she found was a deep sense of longing. It was as if their souls were engaged in a silent conversation, and she was deciphering his emotions through the unspoken language of their shared gaze.
"God, those lines. Where do you come up with them so spontaneously?" Nitya wondered.
"It's not every day I come up with those lines. It entirely depends on the person I'm talking to and the bond I wish to have with that person," Varun winked, continuing to hold her hand. The warmth that flowed through his gentle touch carried a weight that words could hardly capture, painting a canvas of desire, longing, and the potential for something more.
Humans enjoy being loved by someone. They adore getting adored by someone. They enjoy it when someone makes them the centre of their life. And above all, the feeling of being needed by someone is of utmost importance to them.
Varun had inadvertently touched all of these points regards to Nitya.
She took a deep breath, trying to steady her own feelings before she responded. She valued their friendship immensely and didn't want to jeopardize it, but she also couldn't deny the growing affection she had for him.
Varun was casually surfing the TV channels sitting on the bed, while Kavya was enjoying the view from the balcony of the hotel room. His fingers stopped pressing buttons when he noticed a news channel was flashing a headline, ‘Final year B.Tech student at IIT-BHU commits suicide'.
"The police found a suicide note saying, ‘I was not able to get a job offer from the campus placements. I am a failure; I cannot handle this pressure. I am sorry dad. I just could not fulfil the dreams you had dreamt for me," read the reporter on the news channel.
Agitated and flushed, he slammed the remote on the floor.
"What happened Varun? Are you alright?" enquired visibly concerned Kavya, running to him.
"I don't know, I really don't know. What's wrong with these college students? And what's wrong with these media houses and parents?" Varun said as his eyes filled up with tears. He was aimlessly walking around, unable to come to terms with the news he had just seen. Kavya also went through the news shown on TV.
"Calm down, Varun. It's all his fate. There's no one to blame here," she tried consoling him, handing him a water bottle.
"No, it's not his fate. It's us, the society and the current education system that needs to be blamed. When most of the students his age were having fun in their 11th & 12th standards, this guy worked hard to realise his dream of getting into IIT. He survived through all but one final semester. Giving up on your life just because you could not bag one job in campus placements is utterly ridiculous."
He was getting emotional, his voice slightly trembling.
"Our education system is based on the stone age ideology of rewards and punishment. Ranks are the only thing the parents want, the teachers want, the administration wants. Ever since we were in school, our minds have been tuned in such a way that if we get good marks, we would be rewarded. Equally, if we failed to score big, we would be punished. We're taught that if we fail to secure good ranks or jobs, the society around us would not approve of us."
"After a certain age, the youngsters today should be given freedom to choose their careers. They should be taught that it's okay to fail. They should be made aware that they will disappoint most of the people around them, including their families, on their paths to making the life choices that are really suited for them. Happiness is the basic right of every being on this earth. In today's modern civilised world, any kind of pressure due to academics, jobs, relationships etc. leading to unwanted complications should be avoided."
He was speaking his heart out that evening. Kavya consoled him for long and then they went to bed.
He could not sleep the whole night thinking about that poor soul. He was exhausted physically but his mind was restlessly pondering the precarious situation the current day youth is placed in. He felt that it was difficult to change the mindset of the older generation. But he firmly decided to do something to make the younger population understand that it was perfectly okay to fail in life. That suicide was not an option, even in the worst case.
He dozed off at dawn as the sky started getting brighter. Even after going back from vacation, there was not much change in Varun's mood. Vishwanath and Karuna noticed him feeling low for a few days. They were worried if something went wrong between him and Kavya during their vacation.
They spoke to Kavya about it and she explained to them the reason for Varun's mood.
"Varun, what happened? You look so moody these days?" Karuna enquired, while Vishwanath and Kavya were around.
"Nothing ma. I am fine," he answered.
"Kavya told us everything. But you can't keep thinking about that incident, right?" Karuna sounded concerned.
"Yes ma".
"So, what's your next move Varun?" Vishwanath jumped in between, to change the topic of conversation.
Varun fell silent for a few seconds and then he confidently answered, "I am going to do a startup."
That was an unexpected response for everyone present in that room.
"Oh, that's interesting Varun. What is it going to be about?" Vishwanath asked in a casual tone.
Vishwanath's reaction surprised Varun as he was expecting questions more on the lines of ‘why startup?', a response from a typical Indian parent in such situation, rather than ‘what startup?'.
"It's going to be a mobile application which can help a user assess his mental health condition. It will be a platform to connect users with life coaches and mental health doctors. Loneliness is the root cause of depression ultimately leading to suicides. Many people today are finding it difficult to approach someone to share their life problems with. Through this app, an expert doctor will be just a tap away, who can help the user in diagnosing his condition via chat or call."
"That sounds great. What are you naming it?"
"Read The Game."